Theatre Jokes
Do you have a Theatre Joke? Please send it to us at the Dovehouse
A joke for all you musicians...
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, all the local musicians and composers came to the cemetery to pay their respects and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.They bent their ears toward the grave, listened for a moment, and one said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
They listened a while longer, another said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
They kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned one of them; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow musicians, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
A mystery-lover takes his place in the theatre for opening night, but his seat is right at the back, far from the stage. The man calls an usher over and whispers, ''I just love a good mystery, and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this play. However, in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip.''The usher nods and says he will be back shortly. Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket. Returning to the man in the back of the theatre, he whispers, ''Follow me.'' The usher leads the man down to the second row, and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle.
''Thanks so much,'' says the theatregoer, ''This seat is perfect.'' He then hands the usher a fifty pence piece. The usher looks down at the coin, leans over and whispers, ''The butler did it in the parlor with the candlestick.''
Theatre Strike The time immediately following the last performance when all cast and crew members are required to stay and watch the two people who own electric screw-drivers dismantle, the set.
A Stage Manager, a Sound Technician and a Lighting Designer find a bottle in a corner of the theatre. One of them rubs it and a genie pops out. The Genie says "You will each get one wish." The Sound Technician steps up, "I'd like a million pounds and a beautiful country home." POOF! - The Sound Technician is gone. The Lighting Designer steps up and says, "Well, if he can have that, I'd like TEN million dollars, and my own personal island!" POOF! The Lighting Designer is gone. The Stage Manager steps up and says, "I'd like them both back in ten minutes."
Theatre Logic:
In is down, down is front.
Out is up, up is back
Off is out, on is in
And of course - Left is right and right is left
A drop shouldn't and a Block and fall does neither
A prop doesn't
A cove has no water
Tripping is OK
A running crew rarely gets anywhere
A purchase line buys you nothing
A trap will not catch anything
Strike is work (In fact a lot of work)
A green room, thank god, usually isn't
Now that you're fully versed in Theatrical terms,
Break a leg. But not really.
- All Extension leads will always be 3 inches too short or 6 feet too long
- Any wire cut specifically to length will be too short
- Radio mics will always be switched on, until they are actually needed.
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One - the actor holds the light bulb, and the world revolves around the actor...
Q: How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, Two - One, Two
"Its only community Theatre until offends someone, then its ART!"
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